That’s not why I’m awake, but you know how those sorts of things creep into your mind late at night and they won’t go away.  So here it is:

I’m a fairly content person.  I think most my friend’s would describe me as easy-going, if not laid back.  Or as laid back as someone can be who doesn’t wear flip-flops 24/7. And despite a lot I’ve felt pretty satisfied with myself  in regards to my appearance, my outlook, my self-worth, etc.  The only thing I’ve never really been satisfied with are my social skills, no matter how much they have improved.  And sure, I went through days when I couldn’t stand anything about myself, but they were usually days I was riddled with hormones or couldn’t find a dress in my size…they faded eventually. 

The thing is, I know there are imperfections about me that I could fix…if I really wanted to.  But the motivation has never really struck me.  Because even with those imperfections, I think I’m a pretty awesome individual.  However, I have begun to notice that in the recent weeks the motivation to fix my simpler flaws has grown.  And the areas where I am self-conscious have begun to spill over into the areas where I never used to be.

I’m not sure why this has happened.  Maybe I’m just growing up.  Maybe I’ve been watching too much Boy Meets World.  Maybe because for the first time in my life, all of my peers are at the point in their lives where they are either married or completely obsessing about marriage, and it’s finally made me go insane.

(Side note: If I have to sit at another table full of girls expounding upon their impending nuptials, and I have to make an awkward joke about being the only single at said table, while pointing to my empty ring finger and groaning comically, I’m GOING to stab myself in the eye with a fork.  I’m very happy for my friends, but there’s only so many times you can watch them all compare rings in the center of the table before seizing.)

And I’m not saying I want to get married.  Heck I’m 22, I “got time” as everyone feels the need to remind me.

What I am trying to say is:  it’s time.  Time for a change.  I’m starting to merge onto the edge of the cusp of starting to not like myself, and the moment you stop liking yourself you need to change something.  Because I want to whole-heartedly like myself.  Because I’m awesome, and I want to feel like it again.  So here we go. 

It’s time.