Warnings: Harmful if swallowed. Contains Potassium Chloride. If swallowed, give...– written on the label of Zero Ice Ice Melting Crystals. I looked it up, it’s a sidewalk salt brand that is commonly used in Michigan. This kind of information should be made known. I mean, it’s just laying right out there on the ground. I’m just sayin’…
After mailing a package to be shipped over night:
Me: That was weird that the guy wasn't sure if we could over-night a package to Tennessee.
Me: I mean, why wouldn't we be able to over-night something to somewhere not even that far away. It's not even noon yet, so the mail hasn't even gone out.
A: Well maybe he didn't think they shipped mail over-night to that area.
Me: Well I feel like a big place like Memphis would certainly get a lot of mail.
A: Maybe they simply don't accept it.
Me: Accept what?
A: Over-night mail.
Me: Why wouldn't they?
A: Maybe ______ gets so much mail that they simply don't accept any mail that was sent over-night. Like they are swamped so they don't even accept any.
Me: WHY would they turn away mail? Especially a place like _______ where you HAVE to send these things BY mail. That doesn't make sense.
A: Well I just made it up.
Me: You did?
A: Yah, I'm just making this all up off the top of my head.
Me: Then why were you stating it like it was a matter of fact?
A: Well it could be true. You never know.
My roommate and I.
A: Question - If you can't taste something when you eat it, do you still get nutrients from it?
Me: Yes. If you swallow it, you get the nutrients from it.
A: Ok, just wondering.
I walked into class an hour late today,
because I thought the class started at 4pm. Nope, it started at 3pm. Just like it did on Monday, and just like it did all of last week. Why did I think it started at 4pm? I haven’t the slightest. I think my eyes were playing tricks on me when i looked at me schedule today. I need sleep. I tried to explain to my professor why I was late, but I think all I really did was explain why...
Conan "Collin" Montgomery, the Fish, died this...
at approximately 1:30 a.m. I went to bed a little after midnight, and before I got into bed I went over to his bowl and made sure to feed him. I remember he was alive and well, swimming around, seeming happy as a guppy. He gobbled up most of his food, and even stared at me, like healways used to. Satisfied that he was good, I turned out the lights and laid down. I didn’t actually go to...
I shouldn’t be saying this - high treason, really - but I sometimes wonder...– Stephen Fry
I’m all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows...– Daniel Tosh
Dear Mr. Clock,
Can I call you Clock? Is that ok? I’m going to anyway. So, Clock, I have a bone to pick with you. I asked you nicely the other day, not to go so fast. I explained that I could not keep up with you, and kindly asked for you to give me a break. Did you listen? No. Instead, today was even more busy, I was nearly late for more things, and I wasn’t able to get a hold on...
I thought Conan the fish was dead today.
He was floating completely still near the top of the water, so I tapped on the glass. Luckily, he started swimming immediately. Either I saved his life, or he was meditating. Either way, he is one weird fish. It would have been so sad, on so many levels, if he died 24 hours after I got him.
I got a goldfish.
He was free. I named him Conan Montgomery. I wasn’t going to get him, but they were giving them away and I have been missing my cat a lot, now that I’ve gone back to school. So I figure, it might be kind of nice to have a pet at school. And since AC doesn’t allow any non-aquatic pets, I can’t very well have a cat, or anything like that. So I guess Conan Montgomery will...
Last episode of The Tonight Show with Conan...
Dear Conan, Thank you for everything. With love, Me.
It's just a thought.
If God’s will happens to coincide with your will, there’s a good chance that it was never God’s will to begin with. It was only yours.
So I’ve been having a bit of a stressful week, and I realized something today. That there is no quicker of a cure (however temporary it may be) for a frazzled mind, than walking into my quiet room, shutting the door very soundly, kicking off my shoes in the middle of the room, then climbing onto my bed and covering my face with my comforter *. I don’t usually take a nap, I just need...
Working at the front desk in the art department is the cushiest job I’ve ever gotten paid to do. Evidence: I’m doing it right now…and I’m on tumblr. And I won’t get in trouble because they said I could go online as much as I wanted. So what do I actually do here? Answer phones, take messages, transfer the occasional call, greet people who pass by, and if...
I have no desire to prove anything by dancing. I have never used it as an outlet...– Fred Astaire
Working in the campus post office makes me feel like Santa. I get to sort through packages and put notices in mailboxes telling people when they have a package. The best is when I recognize the recipient’s name. It’s like, “Oooh! This is going to be so exciting for them! They have a package! I wonder what they could have ordered? I bet they’re going to be happy when...
Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until...– Mike Myers (via littlemiss)
Static cling is the bane of my fashion sense.
You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a...– Claire Danes in Stardust
Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of...– Mother Teresa
It's artwork that corresponds to 'missed... →